eTuition
eTuition: a feeling that something online is not quite right; useful for guarding against scams, phishers, urban legends, chain e-mails, and cyber-stalkers.
I completed my eHarmony questionnaire, paid with my credit card, and started communicating via their guided communication process. I stayed up to 3:00 a.m. two nights in a row, answering and sending various questions. By the third day though, my intuition was telling me that something wasn’t right, and I always listen to my intuition.
Something about the process seemed ---- backwards. They take everyone in the universe, and then match them up based on their personality profiles and a few other attributes, like location, age, and attractiveness (which, btw, is self-reported). Then these matched pairs pass a few lame questions back and forth. Sample: “What is your idea of a dream vacation?” Somehow, you are supposed to decide if you like this person enough based on a few answers to some situational questions. If you decide that someone who is more afraid of speaking in front of 500 people than their boss (actual question) meets your criteria (?), then you can send them a list of attributes that you “must have” in a partner, and a list of things you “can’t stand.” To create each lists, you are allowed to select only 10 attributes from a much longer list. Some of the qualities they think you might like to see in a potential partner include “emotionally healthy,” “strong character,” “financially responsible,” and “conflict resolver.” No, I want someone who is emotionally equivalent to a turnip, possesses no morals, throws money away, and has to win every argument. Shouldn’t those attributes be a given? Yet I have to waste 4 of my 10 on those basic qualities leaving no room for “loyal” (another given I didn’t even have room for), “shares my interests,” and “artistic.” I also may have been a tad anti-Frank (my ex), selecting anything he wasn’t, which made it sound like I wanted a financially responsible, industrious, always agreeable robo-husband.
The “can’t stands” are actually worse including such qualities as “depressed,” “lies”, “takes advantage of people,” “rude,” “lazy,” “mean-spirited,” “petty,” “racist,” “has poor hygiene,” “addicted,” “undependable,” or “infidelity”. I’m already up to 12. These should be undebatable base-line qualities. And who’s going to actually admit to being any of these things? What would be better is a list of potential deal-breakers that might vary from person to person, like gambles, foul-mouthed, or lives with mother. Those first two are actual choices, but heck, I’d prefer a foul-mouthed gambler as long as he wasn’t a depressed, lying, rude, lazy, mean, petty, dirty, unreliable, drug-addicted white-supremist cheater.
What it comes down to is eHarmony is a match-making service. If they existed in real space instead of cyber-space, they would sort all their registered users into different rooms based on compatibility and a few other limited requirements. Everyone is naked, but with blinders on, so they can’t actually see each other. Everyone is shouting at once:
“I want to have 15 kids and stay at home”
“I’m looking for someone who’s sexually adventurous.”
“I need a trophy wife.”
I just want to say “People, people. Calm down. Why don’t we get to know each other first before we start shouting out our deepest desires? Now who here likes bowling? Ok, you guys go over to that corner. Who likes Civil War reenactments? You’re meeting over here. Extreme sports? Up front.”
“Excuse me, miss. I like Civil War reenactments and bowling. What should I do?”
“What about bowling on Tuesday, Civil War on Saturday?”
“Good idea. I’ll meet twice as many people.”
What I’m trying to say folks, is can’t we do this the old-fashioned way?” Meet someone with a shared interest, get to know each other, hopefully feel a little chemistry. Then once you’ve got ‘em hooked, start divulging all your quirks. They will have either already bought into you, and will find these qualities to be interesting and endearing, or they will back off and say it’s not working out. That’s what dating is for – to determine compatibility.
So I cancelled the eHarmony subscription. I am now looking for men who share my interest in family, travel, intellectual pursuits, Lord of the Rings conventions, and so on. Once I find one, I’ll let you know.
I completed my eHarmony questionnaire, paid with my credit card, and started communicating via their guided communication process. I stayed up to 3:00 a.m. two nights in a row, answering and sending various questions. By the third day though, my intuition was telling me that something wasn’t right, and I always listen to my intuition.
Something about the process seemed ---- backwards. They take everyone in the universe, and then match them up based on their personality profiles and a few other attributes, like location, age, and attractiveness (which, btw, is self-reported). Then these matched pairs pass a few lame questions back and forth. Sample: “What is your idea of a dream vacation?” Somehow, you are supposed to decide if you like this person enough based on a few answers to some situational questions. If you decide that someone who is more afraid of speaking in front of 500 people than their boss (actual question) meets your criteria (?), then you can send them a list of attributes that you “must have” in a partner, and a list of things you “can’t stand.” To create each lists, you are allowed to select only 10 attributes from a much longer list. Some of the qualities they think you might like to see in a potential partner include “emotionally healthy,” “strong character,” “financially responsible,” and “conflict resolver.” No, I want someone who is emotionally equivalent to a turnip, possesses no morals, throws money away, and has to win every argument. Shouldn’t those attributes be a given? Yet I have to waste 4 of my 10 on those basic qualities leaving no room for “loyal” (another given I didn’t even have room for), “shares my interests,” and “artistic.” I also may have been a tad anti-Frank (my ex), selecting anything he wasn’t, which made it sound like I wanted a financially responsible, industrious, always agreeable robo-husband.
The “can’t stands” are actually worse including such qualities as “depressed,” “lies”, “takes advantage of people,” “rude,” “lazy,” “mean-spirited,” “petty,” “racist,” “has poor hygiene,” “addicted,” “undependable,” or “infidelity”. I’m already up to 12. These should be undebatable base-line qualities. And who’s going to actually admit to being any of these things? What would be better is a list of potential deal-breakers that might vary from person to person, like gambles, foul-mouthed, or lives with mother. Those first two are actual choices, but heck, I’d prefer a foul-mouthed gambler as long as he wasn’t a depressed, lying, rude, lazy, mean, petty, dirty, unreliable, drug-addicted white-supremist cheater.
What it comes down to is eHarmony is a match-making service. If they existed in real space instead of cyber-space, they would sort all their registered users into different rooms based on compatibility and a few other limited requirements. Everyone is naked, but with blinders on, so they can’t actually see each other. Everyone is shouting at once:
“I want to have 15 kids and stay at home”
“I’m looking for someone who’s sexually adventurous.”
“I need a trophy wife.”
I just want to say “People, people. Calm down. Why don’t we get to know each other first before we start shouting out our deepest desires? Now who here likes bowling? Ok, you guys go over to that corner. Who likes Civil War reenactments? You’re meeting over here. Extreme sports? Up front.”
“Excuse me, miss. I like Civil War reenactments and bowling. What should I do?”
“What about bowling on Tuesday, Civil War on Saturday?”
“Good idea. I’ll meet twice as many people.”
What I’m trying to say folks, is can’t we do this the old-fashioned way?” Meet someone with a shared interest, get to know each other, hopefully feel a little chemistry. Then once you’ve got ‘em hooked, start divulging all your quirks. They will have either already bought into you, and will find these qualities to be interesting and endearing, or they will back off and say it’s not working out. That’s what dating is for – to determine compatibility.
So I cancelled the eHarmony subscription. I am now looking for men who share my interest in family, travel, intellectual pursuits, Lord of the Rings conventions, and so on. Once I find one, I’ll let you know.
posted by Mary Joan | 5:03 PM
1 Comments:
very nice expression....
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